“When were you the last happiest?”
Her question loomed like my persistent mother. I stared blankly out the window.”Your hesitation makes me question your ability to answer my question.”I was just about to correct her redundancies when it dawned on me…I didn’t know. I couldn’t remember the last time I was happiest.
Couldn’t have been when I learned I had gotten a “real job”, the one I currently loathe day-in and day-out, could it?
Perhaps it was the day I decided to take a “sabbatical” to my sister’s in Florida, when I finally weaseled my way out of quitting The Restaurant without actually uttering those words…
The last time I remember smiling with my entire being was in pictures from London, although I was then pinning after a boyfriend who traveled to Paris for me, then proceeded to dump me on my birthday after I spent half a day flying and driving to see him, but I bitterly digress…
The last time I was happy. Hmm.
The clock ticked. Tocked.
She looked at me quizzically.
“I was happiest when I didn’t know any better.”
It was her who stared at me this time, blankly. Tick. Tock
Why was everyone suddenly interested in my happiness quota? When people are happiest, they don’t know they’re the happiest they’ll ever be, because if they knew that, they wouldn’t be at their happiest for the mere fact that they were acknowledging the fact that they were happy.
It’s such an over generalization, happiness. As if being your happiest means you have reached nirvana. If I was at my happiest, I probably wouldn’t be writing. Artists wouldn’t write songs, method actors would have no idea where to pull from. People wouldn’t know what happiness was without the struggle to achieve it. And really…is anyone really, truly, ever at their happiest? Does anyone ever fulfill their happiness quota?
Cause time is running out for all us naysayers.
Tick. Tock.
June, 2007
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Contemplations: The Happiness Quota
June 4, 2007 by me
Category Contemplations., Random Ramblings. | Tags: | No Comments
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Contemplations: Destinos isn't just your high school Spanish book
June 4, 2007 by me
What if you knew you were destined for great things, but still lived the ordinary humdrum existence of a normal human being? Like you knew you would one day be famous, or do something famous…how do you live with the ordinariness of the everyday life?
Some people say that being “extraordinary” is a birth-right…that you are just born with that “glow”, and you and everyone around you knows that you are destined for greatness.
What about the others of us that sit through life wondering, how do I achieve this greatness that I know is inside me? How do I reach that pinnacle peak of perfection while I’m stuffing envelopes staring at a wall in my life less ordinary? What would you do if you knew your destiny was greatness, but your present reality didn’t reflect that?
Everyone wants to achieve greatness. Most people want to know that they will be remembered once they are gone.
Me, I’m just looking for something to believe in. I’m not looking for my destiny, goddamn it. But I am looking for something.Category Contemplations., Random Ramblings. | Tags: | No Comments
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Story Time: Waiting for Charming, Prince: A One-Act
June 4, 2007 by roseweaver
Mary: “It wasn’t you…it was the idea of you.”
Fay, Mary’s inner voice: The dialogues she had practiced in her head while she was alone finally broke the surface. It all started with an innocent crush, but isn’t that how all the stories go…
Jake: “I didn’t call you.”
Mary: “No, you didn’t.”
Fay: She stared blankly at him, wondering why she was still there.
Jake: “I wanted to call, but…”
Matt, Jake’s inner voice: He hesitated, looked into the nearby mirror, his reflection catching unflattering light from the florescent bulbs above.
Mary: “You don’t have to explain…”
Matt: He looks up. The crease in his brow slowly disappears.
Fay: He smiles, that warm smile that makes the butterflies appear. She speak.
Mary: “Look, when I first met you, I felt like I had known you forever. The books we’ve read, the places we’ve been…it was like, I don’t know, like you were a long lost high school friend who had known me for years.”
Matt: He sits, listening intently.
Fay: His gaze pierces hers. He wants her to continue.
Mary: ” So I thought, ok, I’ll take a chance. A risk. Something I wasn’t used to, and it helped that you weren’t here when I left you that letter. It was easier. In a way, I was cheating Cupid. I left you a letter, and in doing so, left the ball in your court.”
Matt: He wants to say something, but the words escape him.
Fay: Luckily for him, she is on a roll.
Mary: “When you didn’t call, I wasn’t crushed. I was proud of myself for taking a risk. If that was the only thing I got out of it, then so be it.”
Matt: He balks…
Fay: …and then smirks. He speaks.
Jake: “I want you to know that getting that letter from you meant the world to me. It was exactly what I needed at the exact moment in time. That letter was so me, that it scared me that a virtual stranger like you could know me so well as to write a letter so eloquent as that. It was as if the stars or gods or whatever cosmic force brought us together, as PBS channel as that sounds.”
Fay: He sighs, a heavy sigh.
Jake: “I just got out of a long relationship that was exhausting and I don’t think I can go through that again.”
Fay: He looks at her for a reaction, and when she doesn’t give him one, he continues.
Jake: “But I love your company, and you and I have so much in common, and I just feel like we can be really good friends.”
Fay: He spits this out like it would solve everything.
Matt: After an eternal pause, she says…
Mary: “We all have baggage. It’s just how we chose to carry it that makes us who we are.”
Fay: He smiles.
Matt: She smiles. A moment passes. He shifts uncomfortably on his feet.
Fay: She stares at him. He picks his head up, penetrating her eyes, and it hits her.
Matt: She picks up her things and hands him back the letter.
Mary: “It wasn’t you, it was the idea of you.”
Fay: She hears the wheels turning in his head…
Matt: …but the sound of her heels on the pavement drown them out.Category Contemplations., Random Ramblings., Story Time. | Tags: | No Comments