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May, 2010

  1. Daily Rant: Zen-like Annoyances

    May 21, 2010 by me

    We all have a lot of annoyances in our lives. Petty annoyances, none that really are life-affecting, but annoy us all the same. (Hey, life would be boring without annoyance!). But one of my biggest annoyances is not being able to finish a book that I’ve taken out from the library in the amount of time they give me.

    I’m not necessarily a slow reader, but I have to be “in the mood” to read. I usually read right before I go to bed. So I’m in the middle of this book, and I notice that it’s due on Sunday. I go to renew it, and it says I can’t because someone else wants it. So I try and read as much as I can so I can at least partially finish the book. Which leads to frustration because now I’m not enjoying, I’m reading it under a time constraint, and that’s just not cool. I could just go buy the book, use one of the millions of coupons I have from Borders and Barnes, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t buy books this year (nowhere to put them, let alone time to read all them). So, as much as I hate it, I throw the book in the bag and disgustingly head off to the library with Ollie in tow.

    It’s muggy out. I’m in a sweatshirt and Ollie is pulling at the leash. My sinuses are draining into the back of my throat, and I start to sound like one of those people on the bus you avoid because it sounds like their hacking up a lung.

    I’m just a bundle of fun, let me tell ya.

    So I walk to the library, annoyed, hot, and bothered, and throw the book into the slot. There. No late fee for me. No ending to the book either. Ah, well.

    Ollie starts pulling me the opposite way of where I want to go, but I’m so bothered by this point that I don’t care so much. That, and I have two poop bags that I need to unload. We find a garbage and all of a sudden, I hear bagpipes playing. There’s something about bagpipes that are so soothing that you can’t help but feel relaxed and zen-like. It almost sounds like the clouds had parted and the heavens were singing…and no, I was not hallucinating. Turns out, Ollie has steered me towards the church at the end of the block, and bagpipes are playing. I’m assuming wedding (since a photographer was there taking pictures), and Ollie and I stop and listen to the soothing sounds of random bagpipes and as we venture our way back home, I can’t help but think…only in Chicago could I walk to return a book, annoyed as hell, and end up running into bagpipes that zen me out, all on a hot, muggy Friday.

    Here’s hoping that petty annoyances bring out the zen in all of us.


  2. Daily Rant: Why didn’t I think of that?!

    May 20, 2010 by me

    In the “why didn’t I think of that so I could retire at age 30″ category, I bring you Greneratus

    (and even though I am on a facebook hiatus, I still find this ingenious. And also a little disturbing.)


  3. Daily Rant: Squish the Gnat

    May 19, 2010 by me

    Why does one bad annoying thing = a whole day worth of insecurity and self-doubt?

    First thing first: it was beautiful today. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, I had on my awesome taupe colored knee high boots that scream spring…all was good with the world. This morning.

    And while I’m perusing all my daily blogs, catching up on all the happenings, and sharing all this info with the world (via facebook), I inadvertently started to annoy some people. Yes, I realize that I was posting A LOT of stuff. Yes, I realize I shouldn’t have been doing it when I was. And yes, I realize that, if I am popular on your news feed, you might have been annoyed. I like blogs. I like reading. I like to pretend that people are genuinely interested in what I post. But as I am getting people telling me ‘could you please stop posting so much stuff’ (and mind you, this is plural people, not just one), I actually begin to think, “oh my gosh, am I offending people with all my postings of my interests?”

    And thus begins the self-deprecating vortex of insecurity.

    You see, when I offend someone without trying, when people tell me that I’m doing something wrong, when things don’t go my way…this little annoying gnat called INSECURITY comes along and makes its home in my brain. I have no idea where this comes from, but I actually start to feel horrible that I inadvertently offended someone, I figure I must have been the one who did something wrong, I figure there’s no way things can go my way, so I better give up now. I put people’s thoughts before my own, and I try to make everyone get along with me because I really just want everyone to like me….Yes, I know. It’s annoying. And the therapist in me is calling it self-deprecating insecurity. And yes, even I, as marvelous as I think I am, have it. And once I get insecure, geez, watch out…I am a red herring, snowball effect bundle of self-analytical nonsense.

    I realize I should just let it be, que sera sera, and everything happens for a reason. But when that gnat starts buzzing in my ear…

    And I realize that, yes, I should grow the f up and that I need to stop being a people pleaser and start being a me pleaser (take that however you will), because I am quite possibly the worst liar you will ever meet (which didn’t help my acting career) and whatever I feel, I project.

    But most of all, I realize that I am probably completely normal in this insecurity, and hopefully not completely alone. Maybe in the self-deprecating analytical gnat symbolism, but not in the whole people pleasing/control freak/snowball effect analogy.

    Long story short: I vow to squash the gnat.