It has been a trying week for this one. People who know me know what’s going on, so there’s no need to explain that here. And all these things that happened are so not a big deal in the grand scheme of life — they won’t matter a year from now — but when they’re happening right now, right this very second — it’s hard not to obsess.
But no matter the top five changes in four days that have happened in my life, I always seem to find out that they happened for all the right reasons. Like, this was the path I was supposed to take so it can lead me to another path that I should be on. And that has always been something that I’ve struggled with – having faith that it will all work out in the end. Because even though I know it usually all works itself out, and that life is just a series of happenstance mixed with fate, it’s always hard to process that when the event is happening to you presently. Perspective is always hard when examined so closely.
Which brings me to another struggle I am having – trying not to over analyze every new situation I am in. And there have been a lot of new situations in the last four days. Like, a lot, a lot. I find that when I don’t over analyze, and just let stuff happen, it eventually all works itself out, so why do I spend time and energy worried about what might or might not be to the point where I am either crying or making my stomach hurt? I physically have to say to myself, “Self – shut the f* up!” I’ve always been an analyzer, a worrier, a people pleaser, a planner – all these things are who I am. But when the personality traits start to interfere with the day-to-day process of living, what’s a girl to do? Because I find the more I just let things happen organically – the more I stop putting emphasis on future plans and more on present ones – I am genuinely happier. Sure, it’s scarier to not know where you’re headed…it’s always easier to bail out when you aren’t tied by future committments, but there’s something to be said about just living life as it comes — and nothing more.
So maybe that’s the point of all this trial and tribulation – to just enjoy the present, procrastinate the future, and just leave the past alone.
You’d think I’d learn this lesson by now – 30.7 years old – but perhaps that is the lesson – no matter how old you are, you always have more to learn about yourself.