There’s this quote on my chalkboard door that reads, “Do more than exist”. Have no idea who wrote it, where it’s from, but I get it. I really do get it. And from the dinner I just had with friends, it seems we’re all starting to “get it”.
There was a time in my twenties, right after college, where I went through a post-collegiate letdown of sorts, aptly named, “The Quarterlife Crisis”, where your optimism of having just spent your last four (or five or six) years in college oozed through you, only to be obliterated by the reality that was now your day-to-day life. No one prepared you for “life”. No one told you that the first job you got you wouldn’t excel in…no one told you that you might get fired for no reason other than “you’re expendable”…no one told you how to live your life. For years and years, society, your family, your friends all told you how to live your life. How you were going to live your future life. How you were going to have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence with a slobbering dog by such and such age, and how you’d bask in the glory of your retirement at such and such age, and that everything in between would just be work, family…life. No one prepared you for the inevitable downfall that things like the recession and bills and suspended matching retirement brings.
So it comes to no surprise that when I finally reach that age when I feel like I have this thing called “life” down…when I finally feel like this is where I’m supposed to be at the exact moment I’m supposed to be, I find that others around me are going through what I am coining, “The Pre-Midlife Quandary”. Now, the “Pre-Midlife Quandary” finds people who have gone through the rigamarow of post-collegiate life, work life, family life, etc, and are now starting to shift their thinking towards their future lives…a future that they are not satisfied with. They feel their lives propelling them down one road, when they desperately want to take another road but are too scared. So they’re stuck at this fork in the road of “Societal Acceptable / Safe / What your parents would have done” versus “Against the Norm / Risky / What your parents warned you never to do”. They’re left at these crossroads of “the life I want” versus “the life I’ve already carved out but don’t necessarily want anymore”. They ask themselves, “is it too late to change the course of my life?” These people have too much energy and too much life left to just throw in the towel. They are at a crossroads of life, pondering whether its better to have stability or better to have happiness.
Two of my friends are going through this very quandary right now, and I feel inspired by their chutzpah, so I must share.
Exhibit A: Music Man. A 30-something guy who finds himself unsatisfied with his work and life situations. Instead of blindly going through the motions of this life, where he could see himself years down the road, unhappy, unfulfilled and generally uninspired, he decides to quit his job, sever ties with life situations that were leaving him unhappy, and start anew. Start completely over. And as scary and unstable as his current life is, he finds himself oddly happier — because he saw his life heading down a road that he didn’t like, and still had the energy to know that if he didn’t do something to change his life…no one would. And this new life path may not work out the way he planned — he may fail miserably, he may find out it wasn’t what he wanted after all — but the point was that he was going to try his damndest to succeed so he knew that when the time came, he could say he tried everything in his power to make his own damn dream come true. To live the life he wanted, not the life that anyone else wanted for him. To not go down the safe road, to take that risk of the unknown and embrace it. And he’s all the happier for it. He may be unsure of his future, but he is sure of one thing — that it’s his. And no one can take that sense of pride away from him. He won’t admit it, but since he’s been on this journey, he’s got a little more sparkle in his eyes.
Exhibit B: Lady Mac. A 30-something mom who drastically changed careers a couple years ago, to the point where she became a little unrecognizable. Nothing bad, you just saw some of the gusto leave her bravado. Hardly noticeable to the untrained eye, but I am highly trained in her bravado, so I knew something was up. She has a great life, a good job, a husband, an adorable kid, and by the looks of all things, was headed towards that societal “white picket fence in the suburbs, two car garage” existence, which had never been her ideal, but she didn’t think she minded it either. It just seemed like the natural progression of life, and she was fine with it, even if it did seem a little bland for her taste. This was her life. But she never fully embraced it, there was always “something” that seemed uneven in her life, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. And then, suddenly, a speaker at one of her panels sparked something in her — something she had been missing for a while – and it was as if she awoke for the first time in years. She felt alive and exhilarated and couldn’t imagine ever going back to the way things were before. She started questioning everything — in a good way, in the way that only being excited about possibilities can bring. There was more spring in her step…more mile-a-minute storytelling that had been sorely missed…more life in her face…more…her. And the possibility of something great far outweighed any of the risk involved. Because for once in a long long time — she felt inspired by life.
And it has been these two stories that have made me realize that it is never too late to change the course of your life. This is your life. Yours alone. Nobody, not society, not family, not friends, not even the voices in your head can tell you how to live it. You must decide for yourself. And I am utterly inspired by my two friends who have hit “The Pre-Midlife Quandary” and are happier because of it. I only hope that if (or, come on, when) that quandary hits me, I’ll have their stories to guide me.
