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‘Contemplations.’ Category

  1. 31 Before 31 list — The Final Tally

    February 6, 2012 by me

    Things I got done:
    2. Read Breaking Dawn. 
    4. Make more money by selling off stuff I don’t use anymore and making an ebay account / amazon account
    6. Have one room in my studio at least look like I put some thought into the design
    8. Pay off at least one credit card.
    9. Lose 10 pounds (or at least fit into my jeans better)
    13. Write in both blogs consecutively for one week.
    14. Complete a crossword puzzle.
    16. Write a short story.
    17. Start the Harry Potter series.
    18. Sell off all my books that I don’t care about and get a Kindle or Nook
    19. Read Emerson.
    20. Learn to meditate for 10 minutes.
    21. Do yoga at least once a week.
    22. Help Ollie lose 10 pounds.
    23. Get a tattoo
    25. Find my favorite wine.
    26. Install a headboard and TV in my “bedroom”.
    27. Find a high end/low end signature scent
    31. Drink more tea

    Things I didn’t:
    1. Import my physical CDs into iTunes and start a CD Swap.
    3. Learn how to properly use my Mac without the help of Google.
    5. Teach Ollie new tricks
    7. Learn to play one song from The Fray on the piano.
    10. Drink at least 5 glasses of water a day.
    11. Travel to a new place
    12. Go a whole day without complaining.
    15. Write a new song.
    24. Cook something new once a week.
    28. Learn how to sew
    29. Watch the entire Battlestar Gallactica series
    30. Make an electronic scrapbook of my semester in London (from 2003!)

    Things I learned:
    *This was a very ambitious (and at times, vague) list to have. I’m surprised I finished what I did.
    *I need to make the list a tangible list. Like, attatinable. Less “teach Ollie new tricks” and more “Get Ollie to fetch a ball”.
    *Once I finally got a tattoo, I felt like the rest of the list didn’t matter much anymore. So, even though I didn’t finish it, I still feel a sense of accomplishment!
    *I like lists. It keeps me on track and on task. So….I present:

    THE TOP 5 THINGS TO DO IN 2012!

    1) Buy fresh flowers every week that I know I will be in town.
    Flowers are said to make you smile, and I want to smile, damn it!
    2) Do yoga 2x/week.
    We’ll see if I can make this a habit. It’s been hard to even keep it on the books for one day. But I think it’s do-able.
    3) Cook/eat-in 1x/week.
    Need to save money so I can buy a bigger kitchen. Plus, I need to expand my culinary repetroire.
    4) Read the rest of Harry Potter.
    Just because I want to.
    5) See/rent a movie 1x/month.
    I used to watch films at least once a week. But I’m loving tv so much more now…however, I have found that my attention span for movies is fading, so I’d like to watch at least one movie a month. Mine as well justify my netflix account for once!

     

     

     

     

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  2. Contemplations: Analyzing the Over-Analysis of My First Tattoo or “Stefi-izing” It…

    January 28, 2012 by me

    To you, it's a small star. To me, it's so much more.

    I’m a big talker, but not a big walker.
    Let me explain. I can talk and analyze my way through life like nobody’s business. I can talk about changing this (see painting my apt), or doing that (see exercise class), but when it comes to execution, I don’t walk the walk, I don’t even put on the shoes. I over-analyze until I’m blue in the face and people are so sick of me talking about it that they tell me to “shit or get off the pot”. So it comes to no surprise that when, 8 years ago, I told everyone who’d listen that I wanted a tattoo and I was going to get one (eventually), everybody was like, “Yeah, ok, sure, whatever, Stefi”.

    So when Liz wanted to go this weekend, I was like, yeah ok, whatever. It’s on my 31 before 31 list, why not? Of course, anyone who knows me knows I OVER-ANALYZED getting it to death on Friday. Researched “inner wrist tattoo pain” on the internet. Drew on my wrist a bazillion times (so much so that the next day, it was bruised!) Lost sleep over it. Asked veteran Liz about twelve zillion questions, like, how much will it hurt, what if it get bloody?, and other exceedingly asinine questions because I am an over analyzer. I am a catastrophe-izer. I will run worst case scenarios in my head until the cows come home, all for the sake of my “sanity”.

    And, of course, it comes to no surprise, that the actual outcome of this over-analysis was me over-analyzing why I made such a big deal about it in the first place. Because honestly, as much as I freaked out about my arm falling off, or me fainting, or the gazillion other things that ran through my head while sitting for what was literally 3 minutes of minor minor pain for one awesome tattoo, it was so not a big deal. Which of course, made me ponder why I over-analyze life so much.

    I guess it stems for just doing the “worst case scenario so you’re prepared” kinda thinking, but lately, with life and relationships and whatnot, I realize, if you prepare for the worst, you spend all this effort exhausting and obsessing and analyzing, when you could just be enjoying life, or a relationship, or just be present for the moment. And for me, it was the “ah-ha!” moment of realizing, at that moment, surrounded by friends and a complete stranger, fulfilling something I’ve talked about exhaustively for 8 years, at that moment, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

    And I do now realize that I am analyzing my over-analysis of getting a tattoo, but it just made me realize, while yes, it’s permanent and that’s scary, even for this commitment-phobe, it will always remind me to just be. To enjoy life and the adventure it brings. And while it’s good to research and plan out certain events in your life so you don’t regret it, sometimes it’s good to just go with the flow, and see where the wind takes you. To just “let go”. Which, ironically, is what I want my next tattoo to be…

    This is my "I'm trying so hard to be cool, but I'm totally not" face.

    But I have to thank my friends for being there. Had it not been for Liz setting it all up so I wouldn’t chicken out and holding my sweaty palm during the process, Missy making me laugh and explaining how “uncool” I was (I’m sorry I didn’t know what 187 or NWA was!) and Chang just being Zen Chang, there is no way I would’ve gone through with it. It’s nice to have the friends that will show up for the 3 minutes of my first tattoo just to make sure I wouldn’t wuss out that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And even though, courtsey of Chang and Liz, I have now become an over-analysis verb (as in “You’re totally Stefi-izing it”), I will always remember this day and it will always bring a smile to my face.

    Meanwhile, this was Liz's tattoo...

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  3. Life Observations: A Night of Comedic Reminiscent Hilarity

    January 15, 2012 by me


    I usually don’t like to write about really personal stuff on here (I usually save that for the 20+ journals I write in daily)…no, I usually write about vague life contemplations that may or may not have anything to do with what is going on in my life, rather usually what is going on in this crazy brain of mine. But I’m going against the norm and writing about an experience I had tonight that just made me laugh at the irony of life in general.

    You see, I am standing up in the wedding of what I can only describe as my “adopted little sister”. I met Renee when I was dating her brother, Brian, way back in high school. When people ask how we met, I always reply, “I lost a boyfriend, but gained a sister.” And that is still the truth. Renee is the little sister I always wanted, and I’m so happy to be a part of her big day.

    So tonight was the engagement party, and while I’ve seen Renee and her parents quite a lot, I had not seen Brian (or his wife, Lindsay, whom I also know) for about 7 years. I mean, I could be exaggerating the years, or maybe not, but it’s been a hella long time. I mean, when exactly do you hang out with your ex-boyfriend and his wife? (**side note, when does an “ex” stop being your “ex” and start being your “friend”? That’s for another blog post)  And, of course, there are no hints of relationship envy or anything like that, but I still knew I was going to be a little awkward…what human wouldn’t be awkward seeing an ex they hadn’t seen in a bazillion years? Sarcastic thoughts of “oh, great, this should be fun” or “just do it for your little sister”, or “even if it sucks, just smile and nod” were running through my head on the drive over (and yes, these are the voices that run through my head, and yes, I realize there is probably medication I can take to quiet them…). But since I am on this “Que Sera-ing It” kick, I threw nervousness of the unknown to the wind and just went with it, awkwardness and all.

    So long story short, what, on paper, seemed like a very awkward situation, turned out to be a night of comedic reminiscent hilarity. There are certain people in this life that just feel comfortable, like an old sweatshirt that you refuse to throw out because it’s broken in, and will always be a part of you…you may not wear it ever again, and even throw it into the back of your closet, but you know its there, and that familiarity is a comfort to you. This is exactly how I felt with Brian and Lindsay. I’ve known these two since high school, and I’ve known Lindsay’s was Brian’s “One” in college, and yes, it should be weird and awkward for me, seeing as I am still the single one…but for me, it just wasn’t. It was comfortable. It was like time hadn’t passed at all. We were like old friends hanging out at a bar, shootin’ the shit while sharing a beer and reminiscing about old times, talking about new times, and how old we all feel..all without the awkwardness of past titles and all those imply.

    I guess the whole point of this blog is that it is amazing to me how people I met in high school, who I won’t see for years, even decades, pop up in my life again, and it’s like nothing has changed. We still have the crazy personality that made us all friends, we still have the same smiles, the same laughs, just this time with a little more lines under our eyes and (hopefully) a little more money in our pockets.

    And while I will admit, the childhood room tour that found my prom garter attached to his old bulletin board was a little embarrassing, it was the fact that we were spewing wine out of our noses with laughter at the hilarity of it all that makes me smile the most.

    Everyone is where they ought to be, with who they ought to be with, and life continues to amaze me.

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