There is something so calming and conTEMPlative about rain. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in a very pensive state this last month, or it’s the end of a year, or that rain reminds me of certain events in my life that make me smile. There’s something about walking in the rain, with a destination in mind, but no rush to get there, when the sky is gray and foggy, and the air smells crisp and clean. I was only walking to the bank that is a couple blocks from my house, and armed with rain boots and an umbrella, I made my way down the street. It’s the cars honking their horns in frustration that were the only distractions from my walk, for I was trying to take in the sights and sounds of a city on a Friday at two in the afternoon. Things made me smile: a couple walking hand in hand with no umbrella, just laughing, probably at the fact that they were getting soaked and they didn’t seem to care. It’s a man pushing a cart full of groceries home, while on a cell phone and smoking, somehow he was doing it all, but he was missing the view around him, which is probably why he got soaked by a car splashing past. He hardly noticed. It’s the little girl holding her mother’s hand while jumping into puddles, much to her mother’s chagrin. It’s moments like these that made me appreciate the ability to walk a couple blocks without fear of pain, without fear of getting shot, without fear of anything but getting wet. And really, as an Aquarius, we all know I have no fear of that.
And while I walked home from the bank, where I had just begrudgingly realized that financial obligation and adulthood go hand-in-hand, I walked slower, calmer. Because there’s something about the rain that makes me contemplate my existence, and makes me realize I am, in fact, ok. I am healthy, breathing, living, day by day, enjoying, loving and caring. My only real obligation is to my family and dog. (Side note–Ollie is in the country for the week, which is why I think I am so contemplative. Dogs really are a natural (and needed) distraction from the voices in my head!) I think we all get like this at the end of yet another year…we think of all the things we said we were going to do that didn’t get done, we think of all the times we wanted to say something but didn’t, we get to the end of the year and exclaim, “Wow, that year went by so fast!”. For me, this year started off hard. Extremely hard. Probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life thus far. And it’s ending with me trying desperately to just enjoy life as it comes. To stop over analyzing every little thing that might or might not happen in the future. To really, just enjoy the present, because, truthfully, isn’t that all we have?
So I guess all this blabbering is me just saying, so long 2011. I’ve changed so much in this year. I’ve changed physically. I’ve changed jobs. I’ve changed friends. I’ve changed expectations and I’ve tried to change my outlook. But, really, do we ever change all that much? I don’t like making resolutions, cause let’s face it, we never keep them. But the one vow I make to myself in 2012 is to just take life as it comes. Stop planning. Stop over analyzing. Just trust that life has a grand plan and it will all work itself out like it is supposed to. Yeah, I know, that’s a very Pollyanna/naive way to look at things. But with all the change that has happened in 2011, I’m looking for a Pollyanna/rose-colored glasses way of life in 2012. And it’s all beginning with me making up a word…in 2012, I’ll be Que Sera-ing it.
